Jokes For Coffee Addicts and Lovers

You Should STOP drinking coffee if

  • You chew on other people’s fingernails.
  • You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
  • You short out motion detectors.
  • Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  • You help your dog chase its tail.
  • All your kids are named “Joe”.
  • You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
  • You get drunk just so you can sober up.
  • You pour coffee on a choking victim because CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
  • You can jump-start your car without cables.
  • You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  • You ski uphill.
  • You walk ten miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
  • You channel surf faster without a remote.
  • You’re so wired, your ears pick up AM radio.
  • You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
  • Your doctor tells you, your blood type is COFFEE
  • The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  • You answer the door before people knock.
  • Your morning cup of Coffee is so strong it wakes up the neighbors!
  • You think on the eighth day God created coffee.
  • You look at energy drinks and laugh really really loud!


Coffee Questions and answers:

Q: Why are men are like coffee?
A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!

Q: What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
A: De-calf-inated!

Q: Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?
A: Because according to the Torah He Brews!

Q: Why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage?
A: Because it’s GROUNDS for divorce!

Q: Why is Starbucks removing the trans-fat from their menu?
A: Because they want that Frappacino to pad your ass without clogging your arteries!


Q: What is best Beatles song?
A: Latte Be!

Q: What do you call sad coffee?”
A: Despresso.

Q: Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?
A: Because they have Italian titles for everything!

Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic
A: Sanka

Q: Why do I not like hot drinks?
A: It’s just not my cup of tea.

Q: Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?
A: Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says . . “He-brews”

Q: What do Chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
A: They are all better rich!

Q: Why Coffee is better than a Woman?
A: Coffee goes down easier!


Coffee Pick Up Lines

They call me “coffee”, Cause I grind so fine.
Hold the sugar please, you’re sweet enough for the both of us.
So I’ve Been thinking about you a latte
How do you look so good before coffee?
Java number I can call you at?
Can you pass the coffee and sugar because you just made me cream in my pants
Girl I want you to be like my coffee and keep me up all night.


Price of Coffee
A guy walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress: “How much is the coffee?”
“Coffee is four dollars the waitress says”.
“How much is a refill?” the man asks.
“Free, “says the waitress.
“Then I’ll take a refill!” the man responds.

Every time I drink my coffee

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,”
The psychiatrist said, “well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”


Two woman are fighting over a man in the supermarket.
The wife quickly grabs the Folgers coffee, and dumps down the homewreckers shirt.
The homewrecker asks why did she did that?
The wife responds, “There’s nothin’ more better than waking up with Folgers in your cup.”


Viagra in Coffee

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”
The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?”
The lady frowned. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
“Well,” the doctor continued, “Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
“How did it go?” the doctor asked.
“Terrible, doctor, terrible.”
“Did it not work?”
“Yes,” the old lady said, “It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”
“Then what is the problem, ma’am?”
“Well,” she said. “I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.”

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